This week, i believe i've hit a climax of emotion; or, rather, i've hit a climax of emotional response. I've responded intensely, this week, to a plethora of feelings. I think it's a step in "growing up" but it hasn't been an easy one.
Julie left for Korea for 3 weeks on Monday night. It's only Friday night and i'm already longing for her. I miss everything about her, but mostly i just miss the way i feel when she's near me. Call me selfish, but it's the truth. I feel stronger, more attractive, more capable, filled with purpose and encouragement. I feel lifted and carried above circumstance. She's been a gift to me, the greatest and most important i will ever receive, i imagine, and with her gone, even for a relatively short time, i feel like i'm going to war without armor.
I've been missing out on time with my roommates, my best friends, and all other "guy time" situations. While all of my best friends are strewn about the west coast, the few that are near me don't see me because i've been working so much. My boss loaded me up with shifts as our main bartender was gone this week, and he heard i needed money for the broken tooth. so all chances to vent and breathe and process with those who know me best have been stripped.
Window View is in full gear, but we're dealing with problems we haven't faced before. This new sound we are finding and trying to hone isn't an easy one, and it's exhausting. it's a good labor, but something is blocking the gears from working fully.
my family is going through changes or big decisions and i'm not around to be a part of them, nor am i aware of them, most of the time. i long for connection, but i can't leave this journey.
I haven't had a conversation with the Father worth a dime in several weeks and each time He says something important, i just seem to brush it off. I miss Him, i miss his presence and his touch.
I need an intervention.
What i've come to realize through all this is that what matters is life. and i don't mean breath or blood, but thinking more abstractly, something that alters the present state of things. for instance, when a human enters a room, the state of the room is altered. their reputation and emotions and countenance all change their environment, as well as those around me. Or music, for example can change the present state, as can the father, or the reliance of family or friends can alter the mindset of a troubled man. All these things i can categorize under "life." At least for me, i can fit music in there. Life is what matters. If my apartment burned to the ground and i lost my laptop, my bed, my xbox, my piano, my iphone, my box of important notes, my presents and gifts, and my clothes, i could still buy those things again.
if i lost our music, matt, i would be lost.
if i lost my family, mom, dad, and smit, i would be alone.
if i lost our history, josh, i would be unknown.
if i lost you, julie, i would be incomplete.
if i lost these things, the people, the purpose, the "life," than i would be truly lost, alone, incomplete and unknown. I haven't been living with these things being my focus and being what i keep in the front of my mind. i've been worried about money and reputation.
But i've taken steps to resolve some of these issues, taking control of my heart and mind,living life rather than just reacting to the life around me, but i still am lacking something.
i'm lost as to what that is.
more to come, i'm sure...
7.10.2010
7.01.2010
Back Nine
When we left Seattle, December of 'oh-nine' was our "longest-case-scenario" and we planned to be back in Seattle for 'oh-ten.'
Today marks the first day of the second half.
Highlights of the 1st Half:
New years day party at the taylor's place.
Chris didn't move away.
I asked Julie to marry me.
She said yes.
Partying ensued with friends from out of town and in town.
Chris moved in.
I began to enjoy sour cream on my tacos and chips.
i got a job at pizza fusion.
i went to Gonzaga, Mexico, didn't lose any toes in the earthquake, and received a book of what my family and my friends thought about me. It remains the most meaningful birthday gift i've ever received.
Bought our honeymoon tickets. To Greece.
I watched one of my best friends marry the man of her dreams.
Anticipated the release of our second album, so anxious for our friends to hear the wonderful sounds coming from Window View.
Got worse at video games.
Got better at loving people.
Saw my best friends graduate college, eager to see the transformations that i know the Father will watch them through, somewhat sad i'm not around to walk with them.
Shattered cap on my tooth at a birthday party. In debt $1000 dollars. Met a nice dentist.
All in all, i'd say a good 6 months.
Time to look ahead. The next three months are my last as a "Bachelor." I don't really think i led the kind of lifestyle that some would associate with that term, but none the less, i will take the next three months very seriously. It will be the last three months that one can associate me with something and not associate Julie.
Thank Goodness.
Next 6 months goals:
Buy suit.
Pay off tooth.
Read more.
Road trip to Seattle and Bay Area.
Finish Album.
Set up wedding.
Do wedding.
Do.........wedding like things.
Save Greece with my wife by going there on our honeymoon.
Make love.
Live with my wife. Make our place 'our home.'
First Davidson Thanksgiving.
My Dad's first birthday gift from a 'daughter.'
First Davidson Christmas.
My mom's first Christmas gift from a 'daughter.'
Make love. again.
and again.
Today marks the first day of the second half.
Highlights of the 1st Half:
New years day party at the taylor's place.
Chris didn't move away.
I asked Julie to marry me.
She said yes.
Partying ensued with friends from out of town and in town.
Chris moved in.
I began to enjoy sour cream on my tacos and chips.
i got a job at pizza fusion.
i went to Gonzaga, Mexico, didn't lose any toes in the earthquake, and received a book of what my family and my friends thought about me. It remains the most meaningful birthday gift i've ever received.
Bought our honeymoon tickets. To Greece.
I watched one of my best friends marry the man of her dreams.
Anticipated the release of our second album, so anxious for our friends to hear the wonderful sounds coming from Window View.
Got worse at video games.
Got better at loving people.
Saw my best friends graduate college, eager to see the transformations that i know the Father will watch them through, somewhat sad i'm not around to walk with them.
Shattered cap on my tooth at a birthday party. In debt $1000 dollars. Met a nice dentist.
All in all, i'd say a good 6 months.
Time to look ahead. The next three months are my last as a "Bachelor." I don't really think i led the kind of lifestyle that some would associate with that term, but none the less, i will take the next three months very seriously. It will be the last three months that one can associate me with something and not associate Julie.
Thank Goodness.
Next 6 months goals:
Buy suit.
Pay off tooth.
Read more.
Road trip to Seattle and Bay Area.
Finish Album.
Set up wedding.
Do wedding.
Do.........wedding like things.
Save Greece with my wife by going there on our honeymoon.
Make love.
Live with my wife. Make our place 'our home.'
First Davidson Thanksgiving.
My Dad's first birthday gift from a 'daughter.'
First Davidson Christmas.
My mom's first Christmas gift from a 'daughter.'
Make love. again.
and again.
5.30.2010
Walking
Since i was a little kid, my family and friends always told me that i have a distinct walk. My mother always told me, "You walk like your grandfather." Sometimes it's the point of ridicule for me, and other times, its a reason that some people don't like me when they first meet me.
From what i can deduce, i walk "like i own the place."
Call it an air of superiority or authority, call it what ever you like. I don't generally mean to walk different, nor do i mean to act cocky, but my "neutral" walk is somewhat distinct.
I was thinking about why this is and i thought back to what i know about my grandfather, Marshall Wright, and he was a man who enjoyed working with his hands, but his heart was in the arts, namely music and playwriting. He was a passionate man. These things reflect in me (and i'm grateful for it) which makes me believe that i've inherited the things on his heart, as well as my own. This may seem strange to some of you, but i'm a firm believer in personal anointing. So when a man's life is cut short, as my grandfather's was, those anointings must rest on someone new. I hope very much that those anointings have found a home in me.
You see, i don't believe my grandfather walked the way he walked because he was cocky, or had an air of superiority.
He just knew who he was.
He was a living son of God, a member of the royal family. His words represented the Father and he behaved accordingly. He displayed the love, justice and creativity resting within the Father's heart to the best of his ability. He walked like he owned the place because he believed that we do own the place.
If no one else will take responsibility, i will. I'm not going to leave our inherited earth to chance, This place was given to me as a home. out of respect for the One who gave it to me, i shall use it frequently, enjoy it's company, and sustain it's health.
I don't think i walk the way i walk on purpose, but maybe i should start.
And so should you. (Especially all you who make fun of it.)
From what i can deduce, i walk "like i own the place."
Call it an air of superiority or authority, call it what ever you like. I don't generally mean to walk different, nor do i mean to act cocky, but my "neutral" walk is somewhat distinct.
I was thinking about why this is and i thought back to what i know about my grandfather, Marshall Wright, and he was a man who enjoyed working with his hands, but his heart was in the arts, namely music and playwriting. He was a passionate man. These things reflect in me (and i'm grateful for it) which makes me believe that i've inherited the things on his heart, as well as my own. This may seem strange to some of you, but i'm a firm believer in personal anointing. So when a man's life is cut short, as my grandfather's was, those anointings must rest on someone new. I hope very much that those anointings have found a home in me.
You see, i don't believe my grandfather walked the way he walked because he was cocky, or had an air of superiority.
He just knew who he was.
He was a living son of God, a member of the royal family. His words represented the Father and he behaved accordingly. He displayed the love, justice and creativity resting within the Father's heart to the best of his ability. He walked like he owned the place because he believed that we do own the place.
If no one else will take responsibility, i will. I'm not going to leave our inherited earth to chance, This place was given to me as a home. out of respect for the One who gave it to me, i shall use it frequently, enjoy it's company, and sustain it's health.
I don't think i walk the way i walk on purpose, but maybe i should start.
And so should you. (Especially all you who make fun of it.)
5.13.2010
Music
I've heard it said, and in some cases, experienced myself, that every surface, every item, every element, every piece of matter can be shaken. By sound. Every surface has a certain tone, or note, that causes it to vibrate. My keys used to vibrate at A3 on the grand piano, in Crawford 211, at my old university. Certain tones resonate strangely in my room, while sounding normal in my car. Matt's room perfectly resonates a low F#.
This fascinates me. Because it doesn't end there.
Sometimes, while i'm trying to find the right melody to accompany Matt's brilliant writing, we will stumble across a melody line to fill some space, or we will change a chord to help the flow move along, and this addition will send chills across our shoulders, or down our backs. We adopted a rule while writing Out of Order. If we got chills, we'd keep it.
I think the same principle that applies to different surfaces also applies to us. But we are a constantly changing, growing, dying, regenerating entity. So the same tone will not always have an effect on us. We must be in the right posture and right place to receive, shall i say, the full power of the tone. The note doesn't always have that effect on us, and it may have that effect on someone else, but perhaps music does more than just "chill" us. What if it could do more than make us shake? Music has been used in therapy for some time now. That therapy is primarily focused on the mind. But what if music could effect us physically, and help stimulate our bodies? What if we could harness the power of music enough to shake the condition of our bodies? What if we could use music to heal?
Music is an anomaly. It is unlike anything else in this world. There are only a (relatively) small number of scales available and only a handful of notes in each of those scales. Theoretically, there are a limited number of melodies, songs, and chord progressions available. (In this age, that truth seems to be more prevalent, but that's for another time.) So doesn't it make sense that we might just need to be in the right place, and right time in order to fully appreciate what a certain piece of music could do for us? Masters of the craft have been labelled as ahead of their time, including one of the most honored composers, Gustav Mahler. What if his symphonies could shake our world now, where they couldn't before? What if the world wasn't postured correctly in his time? What if the world just wasn't ready to change?
Listen to music outside of your comfort zone. Find something that shakes you, that alters your posture; challenges your stance.
This fascinates me. Because it doesn't end there.
Sometimes, while i'm trying to find the right melody to accompany Matt's brilliant writing, we will stumble across a melody line to fill some space, or we will change a chord to help the flow move along, and this addition will send chills across our shoulders, or down our backs. We adopted a rule while writing Out of Order. If we got chills, we'd keep it.
I think the same principle that applies to different surfaces also applies to us. But we are a constantly changing, growing, dying, regenerating entity. So the same tone will not always have an effect on us. We must be in the right posture and right place to receive, shall i say, the full power of the tone. The note doesn't always have that effect on us, and it may have that effect on someone else, but perhaps music does more than just "chill" us. What if it could do more than make us shake? Music has been used in therapy for some time now. That therapy is primarily focused on the mind. But what if music could effect us physically, and help stimulate our bodies? What if we could harness the power of music enough to shake the condition of our bodies? What if we could use music to heal?
Music is an anomaly. It is unlike anything else in this world. There are only a (relatively) small number of scales available and only a handful of notes in each of those scales. Theoretically, there are a limited number of melodies, songs, and chord progressions available. (In this age, that truth seems to be more prevalent, but that's for another time.) So doesn't it make sense that we might just need to be in the right place, and right time in order to fully appreciate what a certain piece of music could do for us? Masters of the craft have been labelled as ahead of their time, including one of the most honored composers, Gustav Mahler. What if his symphonies could shake our world now, where they couldn't before? What if the world wasn't postured correctly in his time? What if the world just wasn't ready to change?
Listen to music outside of your comfort zone. Find something that shakes you, that alters your posture; challenges your stance.
5.04.2010
the love story
In case you hadn't read it on our wedding website, or haven't heard this yet, i thought i'd share it with you all.
ps our wedding website is mywedding.com/aaronmarriesjulie
It was the beginning of the end. Senior Year.
Like every good love story, our protagonists were unlikely candidates for a happy marriage. Before the year had started, they had met up for coffee and, although they were friends, things were dull and somewhat offsetting. As far as either Aaron or Julie knew, this was just the same person they had met, freshman year, 1st-year theory with Dr. Brown; only three years more educated. This was to go down as just "another year" at SPU.
In the middle of September, the first meeting of Unlimited, the performing arts group at SPU in which Aaron and Julie were selected to be a part of, commenced. Everyone met on campus and drove out to Discovery Park for some "get-to-know-ya" games and quality time. Things seemed light-hearted and comfortably shallow. That was the first day of fourteen long days at SPU, practicing music and "group bonding." During these two weeks, the 10 members of the group were quickly drawn into deep friendship with each other. These friendships lasted well beyond those two weeks, and as the 1st quarter passed, every friendship was strengthened and solidified. Throughout the quarter, Julie and Aaron began to realize how truly well they worked together, and went from friends, to best friends really quick.
5 of these friends, again, including Julie and Aaron, decided that after the 1st quarter, that they should go on a road-trip to Disneyland. This trip included humor and drama, but more than anything, it fortified the friendships and bonds between the group, and more importantly, our protagonists. Julie was left in Southern California with her family, as was Aaron in Northern California, with his parents.
It just so happened that Christmas for Aaron, that year, was to be held in Southern California. Aaron, and his friend Matt, were to go early and pick up his grandmother and secure the hotel room, while the rest of the family made a late-night drive. When Aaron got to Anaheim, he phoned Julie, who was an hour and a half away, and they arranged to meet at "a central location."
This location was at a Chevron gas station in Corona, CA.
This meeting was a deep breath for them both. A huge hug was exchanged, as well as stories from family Christmas. There was much discussion about what they would do when they got back to Seattle, how much they missed everyone, and a little discussion as to why they met up so late, and had gone to such an effort to meet. They convinced themselves that it was because they "represented the rest of Unlimited" to each other, and them meeting was like "meeting with everyone." At this point, God was already stirring the pots of their hearts. Over two hours later and many repetitions of Jon Foreman's House of God Forever on the radio, the two parted ways.
The first day of the new year held the first realization of love between the two of them. Aaron, being asked to pick up Julie from the train station, had a wonderful time with Julie, as friends of course, and thought, "We should go to dinner at my favorite Thai place." Something was in the Pad Thai that night, because after a great dinner, and a big hug goodnight, Aaron left Julie's apartment, completely oblivious to the stirring in his heart. Getting home late, he climbed into bed, and no sooner had his head hit the pillow, when it hit him.
"I'm in love with Julie Smith."
"How did it happen?!? We are just best friends!!"
He ignored it over the next few days but it kept pressing on him.
"I'm in love with Julie Smith."
He went to his friend, Matt(different matt,) for advice, and they both agreed it would be best to do nothing. That night Aaron prayed for guidance, and in a moment of clarity, he distinctly heard from the Father, "Wait."
"How Long?' No answer. "If i wait, will i get her?" No answer.
"Can i tell her that I'm waiting?"
"No."
"Can i tell her friends?"
"No."
Thus begun the longest three weeks of Aaron's life. Never had he been so sure of his feelings for a woman, and such an amazing woman at that. Yet he was held back by the One who Aaron trusted the most. But on the other side, the stirring began in Julie's heart. On one particular night, Julie met with her roommates for dinner, and when asked how her week was going, she responded with, "I'm in love with Aaron Davidson."
The questions began to flood in. "What??!?! Since when? Did he tell you?'
"No."
"Did he kiss you?"
"No."
"Have you talked about it at all?"
"No. I just know that i love him, and that he loves me. And we kind of like the way it is now."
She was right. Aaron had began to recognize the feelings of reciprocation from Julie and the week before. His excitement began to build, as did hers, and they entered into a week full of unspoken promises of love, and looks of delight and attraction that filled their heads of dreams, song lyrics, and memories that they would come to treasure and share with their best of friends.
On January 22nd, 2009, the silence was broken. After a night of good coffee, a bad movie, and wonderful procrastination, Julie and Aaron sat in his Xterra for a long conversation, as they had so many nights before. The radio broke the silence, with Jon Foreman, singing, "I think I figured it out. We need to be together, like the shore and the sea. We are not one thing, we're drawn here together, my ocean, and me..... I dream to hold you in my arms."
The moment was ripe, and Aaron couldn't hold it in anymore. He had waited long enough. It was time to take action. As he was about to confess his love, Julie spoke:
"Did He ask you to wait too?"
The silence was broken, and to fill it over the next few hours, the two began to explain all the feelings in their heart, and recite the memories of the last few weeks, of each time they wanted to tell each other, but knew they couldn't. The night was the best night of their lives, even if they didn't know it then.
That night was the starting point of days, weeks, months filled with late night talks in the Xterra, kisses backstage, and delicious Pad Thai. As the year progressed, all of their friends knew that they were gone. They had found what they were looking for. It wasn't weird to hear that they wanted to get married. It was so evident that they were meant for each other.
The academic year finished, and they graduated. Julie left for two weeks on a trip to Honduras. A few days after she left, Aaron bought the engagement ring. It was perfect, and little did he know, it was the exact shop she wanted her ring bought from. When Julie and Aaron were finally re-united in late July, they packed their bags and left for Los Angeles, with two friends ready to do life somewhere else with them.
Their love grew and matured well beyond what they had experienced in Seattle. Their love was tested by stressful situations, roommate issues, and financial problems. But with each problem they faced, they were stronger in themselves, and in their love for one another.
On the one year anniversary of the silence being broken, Aaron snuck Julie out to a little Chevron in Corona, CA, gave her a book with this story in it, and a small box, containing a ring that symbolized his love for her. It was there that he asked her to be his wife.
And they lived happily ever after....
ps our wedding website is mywedding.com/aaronmarriesjulie
It was the beginning of the end. Senior Year.
Like every good love story, our protagonists were unlikely candidates for a happy marriage. Before the year had started, they had met up for coffee and, although they were friends, things were dull and somewhat offsetting. As far as either Aaron or Julie knew, this was just the same person they had met, freshman year, 1st-year theory with Dr. Brown; only three years more educated. This was to go down as just "another year" at SPU.
In the middle of September, the first meeting of Unlimited, the performing arts group at SPU in which Aaron and Julie were selected to be a part of, commenced. Everyone met on campus and drove out to Discovery Park for some "get-to-know-ya" games and quality time. Things seemed light-hearted and comfortably shallow. That was the first day of fourteen long days at SPU, practicing music and "group bonding." During these two weeks, the 10 members of the group were quickly drawn into deep friendship with each other. These friendships lasted well beyond those two weeks, and as the 1st quarter passed, every friendship was strengthened and solidified. Throughout the quarter, Julie and Aaron began to realize how truly well they worked together, and went from friends, to best friends really quick.
5 of these friends, again, including Julie and Aaron, decided that after the 1st quarter, that they should go on a road-trip to Disneyland. This trip included humor and drama, but more than anything, it fortified the friendships and bonds between the group, and more importantly, our protagonists. Julie was left in Southern California with her family, as was Aaron in Northern California, with his parents.
It just so happened that Christmas for Aaron, that year, was to be held in Southern California. Aaron, and his friend Matt, were to go early and pick up his grandmother and secure the hotel room, while the rest of the family made a late-night drive. When Aaron got to Anaheim, he phoned Julie, who was an hour and a half away, and they arranged to meet at "a central location."
This location was at a Chevron gas station in Corona, CA.
This meeting was a deep breath for them both. A huge hug was exchanged, as well as stories from family Christmas. There was much discussion about what they would do when they got back to Seattle, how much they missed everyone, and a little discussion as to why they met up so late, and had gone to such an effort to meet. They convinced themselves that it was because they "represented the rest of Unlimited" to each other, and them meeting was like "meeting with everyone." At this point, God was already stirring the pots of their hearts. Over two hours later and many repetitions of Jon Foreman's House of God Forever on the radio, the two parted ways.
The first day of the new year held the first realization of love between the two of them. Aaron, being asked to pick up Julie from the train station, had a wonderful time with Julie, as friends of course, and thought, "We should go to dinner at my favorite Thai place." Something was in the Pad Thai that night, because after a great dinner, and a big hug goodnight, Aaron left Julie's apartment, completely oblivious to the stirring in his heart. Getting home late, he climbed into bed, and no sooner had his head hit the pillow, when it hit him.
"I'm in love with Julie Smith."
"How did it happen?!? We are just best friends!!"
He ignored it over the next few days but it kept pressing on him.
"I'm in love with Julie Smith."
He went to his friend, Matt(different matt,) for advice, and they both agreed it would be best to do nothing. That night Aaron prayed for guidance, and in a moment of clarity, he distinctly heard from the Father, "Wait."
"How Long?' No answer. "If i wait, will i get her?" No answer.
"Can i tell her that I'm waiting?"
"No."
"Can i tell her friends?"
"No."
Thus begun the longest three weeks of Aaron's life. Never had he been so sure of his feelings for a woman, and such an amazing woman at that. Yet he was held back by the One who Aaron trusted the most. But on the other side, the stirring began in Julie's heart. On one particular night, Julie met with her roommates for dinner, and when asked how her week was going, she responded with, "I'm in love with Aaron Davidson."
The questions began to flood in. "What??!?! Since when? Did he tell you?'
"No."
"Did he kiss you?"
"No."
"Have you talked about it at all?"
"No. I just know that i love him, and that he loves me. And we kind of like the way it is now."
She was right. Aaron had began to recognize the feelings of reciprocation from Julie and the week before. His excitement began to build, as did hers, and they entered into a week full of unspoken promises of love, and looks of delight and attraction that filled their heads of dreams, song lyrics, and memories that they would come to treasure and share with their best of friends.
On January 22nd, 2009, the silence was broken. After a night of good coffee, a bad movie, and wonderful procrastination, Julie and Aaron sat in his Xterra for a long conversation, as they had so many nights before. The radio broke the silence, with Jon Foreman, singing, "I think I figured it out. We need to be together, like the shore and the sea. We are not one thing, we're drawn here together, my ocean, and me..... I dream to hold you in my arms."
The moment was ripe, and Aaron couldn't hold it in anymore. He had waited long enough. It was time to take action. As he was about to confess his love, Julie spoke:
"Did He ask you to wait too?"
The silence was broken, and to fill it over the next few hours, the two began to explain all the feelings in their heart, and recite the memories of the last few weeks, of each time they wanted to tell each other, but knew they couldn't. The night was the best night of their lives, even if they didn't know it then.
That night was the starting point of days, weeks, months filled with late night talks in the Xterra, kisses backstage, and delicious Pad Thai. As the year progressed, all of their friends knew that they were gone. They had found what they were looking for. It wasn't weird to hear that they wanted to get married. It was so evident that they were meant for each other.
The academic year finished, and they graduated. Julie left for two weeks on a trip to Honduras. A few days after she left, Aaron bought the engagement ring. It was perfect, and little did he know, it was the exact shop she wanted her ring bought from. When Julie and Aaron were finally re-united in late July, they packed their bags and left for Los Angeles, with two friends ready to do life somewhere else with them.
Their love grew and matured well beyond what they had experienced in Seattle. Their love was tested by stressful situations, roommate issues, and financial problems. But with each problem they faced, they were stronger in themselves, and in their love for one another.
On the one year anniversary of the silence being broken, Aaron snuck Julie out to a little Chevron in Corona, CA, gave her a book with this story in it, and a small box, containing a ring that symbolized his love for her. It was there that he asked her to be his wife.
And they lived happily ever after....
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